FAT STEREOTYPES & SOCIETY

 (You know I’m on a rant when the title is in all caps!)

There is a “myth” that fat women are sluts.    You know, because we are all so desperate to be loved we’ll let anybody do anything to us.

 Like many myths/stereotypes there is a pinch of truth.  Many fat women do feel so unworthy of love that they will put up with a lot just so they won’t be alone. 

 Happily, more and more fat women are realizing that they deserve to be respected, treated well, and LOVED.

 More and more fat women will not “settle”.

 Of course, many thin and average-sized women are promiscuous and often for the same reasons fat women are – because of self hatred/feeling unworthy.    Lots of people get screwed up about their self image, regardless of their size.  But, the big difference is that fat people are constantly told by society, as a whole, that they are unlovable. 

 Talk about things that make me go GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

 And what really hurts me is that society doesn’t take responsibility for the harm that fat bigotry causes.  Society creates a hostile environment for fat people, and then claims that all of the problems fat people have are because they are fat!   Excuse me? 

 How often does a fat person forego getting exercise because they just can’t deal with how they may be treated?  Or forego medical treatment?  Or forego trying for a better job?  Or forego making friends? 

 And even if society wants to say that not all fat people are treated badly … it does not even have to be the actual treatment — it can be just the fear of the possibility.  And no one can say that fear is unjustified. 

 You can’t smack somebody upside the head every time they smile, and then ask why they are so gloomy! 

 If society wants me to take responsibility for my fat body, fine.  I want society to take responsibility for the damage it has causd to each and every fat person. 

 I’ll be waiting right here for my apology — and it better be good.

Filed under: Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination, Uncategorized

OMG!!! Fat Cleavage

Can you stand it?  Lane Giant FINALLY does some ads with less-than-stick-thin women and the networks won’t run it — apparently because the women have “cleavage”.

Uh – so?  Since when is cleavage a deal breaker for TV? 

Networks don’t have a problem with the Victoria’s Secret ads for “the nakeds” – which the models are almost.  And how about Victoria’s Secret “Pink” ads – somehow I don’t think they are talking about the color of the clothes, you know. 

Networks don’t have a problem with ads about grooming a lady’s nether regions where the woman walks by small shrubbery (bushes — get it) which suddenly become better trimmed.

But cleavage — specifically FAT CLEAVAGE is a problem.

Really?

You can show everyone and anyone scampering around with just about everything showing, as long as it isn’t a fat body? 

So what do you think the issue really is —- that the networks think fat bodies are ugly?  Or that they are secretly disturbed to find that fat bodies can be kind of yummy? Hmmmmmm?

I hope Lane Bryant fights this and I hope lots of people let the networks know how much we appreciate them deciding they get to be the arbiters of beauty.

Filed under: Fat Activism, Size Discrimination

Fat Clothing Revolution

When I was young (lo these many many years ago), fat people had little choice in clothing unless you could sew.  And even if you could sew, you better know how to adjust a pattern.

The only large sizes were half-sizes.  Does anyone remember half-sizes?  They were for fat people — who were also short.  This means on me, the waist would be empire – even though it wasn’t supposed to be.  And of course, they were all styled for the “mature” woman. 

Whoo-hoo.

Enter Lane Giant.  OMG.  The first time I walked into an LB store I was 16 and I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  I LOVE clothes; and they had beautiful clothes that would fit me.  Unfortunately, to shop there I had to go to Detroit (about 60 some miles south of my hometown). 

Then a local lady in my home town got the bright idea to open her own fat ladies store.  And I have to hand it to her, she only hired people who could wear the clothes she was selling.  I made a couple of TV commercials for her — getting paid in clothes, and I was hooked.  I went to work at the store and began my long career as a clothes fanatic. 

Fast forward to the present.  We now have so many options.  Maybe not as many as the average size person; but still a lot.  And thanks to the web, there are lots of entrepreneur designers and retailers that cater to us with more custom-type designs. 

Of course, the main problem with fat clothes is the price.  Except for the mega-retailers, fat clothing is a lot more expensive than that extra yardage seems to warrant.  The prices for the mega-retailers do seem to be coming down, especially if you are willing to haunt the clearance sections of their websites.  The other (smaller) vendors are more expensive (in most cases WAY more expensive), but they are offering clothing that you won’t see on everyone you meet.  So it’s a trade off.

And if you sew, they now make patterns in our sizes!  Not a great selection, but you can now make your own basics if you are so inclined.  So you can create your own personal look.

So I want to salute the fact that fat people now have options when it comes to dressing well.  I am sure the main reason fat clothes are available is because of capitalism and greed; but hey – I can live with that.

Filed under: Size Acceptance

Stealing Fat Children

The authorities say it is “rare”, but it certainly has happened too many times … removing a fat child from his or her home because the child is fat.

This is every parent’s nightmare.  To have their children taken away from them; but this seems to be happening more and more often with fat children – especially if the parents are fat.

First, haven’t they ever heard of genetics?  Fat people are more likely to have fat children, and it has nothing to do with eating and exercise habits. 

Second, have you ever tried to feed a child who doesn’t want to eat?  Force feeding a child is about as impossible as … well, as maintaining long term weight loss.

You might also note that poor people and minorities are more likely to have fat children.  Two groups that usually don’t have the resources to mount an effective legal battle to keep their children.  And these are two groups that often don’t have access to the type of medical care necessary to determine if something else is causing unusual weight gain.  Unfortunately, they become “easy targets” of a fat hating society.

Some people say, the parents shouldn’t “allow” their children to eat so much.  I’m not even going to argue that — what I will say is I don’t recall ever hearing of a bulimic or anorexic child being taken away from their parents because the child was “allowed” to eat too little or “allowed” their child to purge or “allowed” their child to engage in compulsive exercise. 

And of course, the fact is there are lots of different reasons for a person to be fat; and some (if not a lot) of those reasons have nothing to do with eating and exercise.  And the other fact is when you bring a fat child to see a doctor, the first (and often only) treatment plan is to lose weight; without any consideration of any possible underlying cause. 

I was a fat kid.  I weighed about 100 pounds in first grade.  But I was healthy and active.  My sister was not a fat kid.  She was healthy and active.  Same family, different results — because even though we were related, my sister and I are unique individuals.

This is the kind of thing that shows just how bad fat hatred has become in our society.

This is fat discrimination in possibly it’s worst form.  To deny someone their family, simply because of what they weigh.

Filed under: Size Discrimination

Fattitude

I would like every fat person to get themselves a “fattitude”.

A fattitude that tells the world, “Don’t even start with me …”

I don’t mean you have to strike fear in the heart of everyone you meet.  Fattitude doesn’t have to do that (although it is an option).  Be nice, be friendly, just make it clear that you are not going to put up with any crap. 

At the base of fattitude, I think, is not letting other people have power over you.  Know that you can walk away from hurtful people and situations.  It’s your choice who you let into your life and what you put up.

 Something else that helps me is I understand that I am not perfect and neither is anybody else.  I don’t like everybody — for any number of reasons.  So I accept that not everyone is going to like me — for any number of reasons (not just because I’m fat).  I gossip (I know, not nice, but come on) about people, so I accept that other people may gossip about me. 

 I think my fattitude is why I have not faced as much fat-hatred, bias, etc. that so many others have.  I tell people, with a smile, “Don’t make me hurt you.”  But as my husband puts it, I’m “kidding on the square”.  There is a touch of truth in my statement and people who don’t know me (and even some who do) aren’t sure just how much truth and how much joke is there and treat me accordingly.

 It is up to me to set my personal boundaries and it is up to me to maintain those boundaries. 

 I try to keep an open mind and give everyone a chance.  To not assume someone is going to be a fat hater or that problems with people do not necessarily arise from me being fat.  I try to educate those who say stupid fatphobic things.  I try to educate the fat talkers and diet talkers I come in contact with.  And if that fails, then I don’t need that person in my life.  Period.  Life hands me enough stress without me inviting more in.

 So empower yourself and give yourself permission to take care of yourself and get yourself some fattitude!

Filed under: Fat Activism, Size Acceptance

Fat and in Pain

I admit that when I feel like I’m not moving like I used to, I am tempted to blame the fat — not (heaven forbid) my age, or even that maybe I need to go see a doctor, chiropractor, whatever.  Why is that?

I know that my pelvis gets “torqued” and that when it gets messed up I’m going to have lower back pain.  Lots of lower back pain.  And I know it’s fairly simple for a physical therapist or chiropractor to put my pelvis back where it belongs — and I get immediate relief from the pain.  So why do I go (literally) years without seeking relief? 

Sadly, I think many of us (including obviously me) tend to blame all of our problems on our fat.  Even when we “know” better.

If the pain is really caused by our fat bodies, we should know.  If it is caused by something else, we should know.  And in both cases, we should know what, if anything, can be done in the way of treatment.  And if there is no treatment, then we should seek some sort of pain management therapy.

I think some people suffer because they think they “deserve” the pain because they are fat.  I think I suffer the pain because I want to show myself what a strong independent person I am.  Both are pretty silly reasons to suffer pain.

Just because we are fat, does not mean we have to settle for feeling less well; and I, for one, am going to try much harder to remember this.

We keep telling fat folks to ask their doctor “How would you treat this condition if I wasn’t fat?”

And I know I need to get better about asking that question of myself.

Filed under: health, Size Acceptance

Your Fat Dollars – Putting Your Money Where Your Fat Is

Fat people’s money is just as green as anyone else’s.  So why do retailers treat us like second-class citizens?  And more important, why do we allow this?

Upscale (and some not-so-upscale) department stores are infamous for hiding away the women’s fat clothes in some hard-to-find, tucked away spot – apparently so no one will need to be offended by the sight of us fatties buying clothes.  This is just wrong.  To quote the late Patrick Swayze – nobody puts baby in the corner. 

Some companies market to fat people, yet use thin people in their advertising.

Some companies think it’s a good marketing ploy to make fun of fatties in their ads.  Hello?  Subway, anyone? 

Some companies are well-known for their fat bigotry, like Southwest Airlines.

And some companies are much more devious.  Like Safeway or Whole Foods.  

Safeway has a program in place, where they make fat employees pay more of their healthcare premium.  Safeway claims that its policy is based on “behavior” – except part of the focus is on weight, blood pressure and cholesterol levels.  Last time I checked, these were not “behaviors”, these were conditions that may or may not be affected by behavior.

Whole Foods gives employees that they consider “healthy” a greater discount on products purchased at their store.  Their health ratings are based on BMI (ARGGHHHHH), blood pressure, cholesterol and nicotine use.

And while I’m on the subject of these employer “health” incentive programs – since when does your employer have the right to access ANY of your confidential medical information?  But I guess that’s a bitch and moan for another day. 

If circumstances make it difficult (or even impossible) to make fat-friendly choices in your spending; that’s okay.  That’s life.  If you’re up for it, you can let them know that you don’t appreciate their policies; or you can tell a fat-friendly retailer that you appreciate what they are doing even if you can’t currently buy from them.

All I’m saying is before you spend your hard earned fat dollars, think about who and what you may be supporting.

Filed under: Fat Activism, Size Discrimination