KISS MY ANGRY FAT ASS

I am so incredibly angry.

And you won’t like me angry.

While working on the NAAFA roundup, I made the mistake of reading comments on an article about Weight of the Nation.

Let me say this.  I have no intention of watching Weight of the Nation on HBO or reading the book.  I have heard enough about it to know that it is just more of the same old myths and misinformation about fat people that stoke the fat hatred that is reflected in the comments I read.  I am not going to subject myself to it.

I just want to say -

HOW DARE ANYONE TELL ME I HAVE TO JUSTIFY MY RIGHT TO LIVE MY LIFE AS A FAT PERSON?

Fuck you.

My health is not your concern.  It is none of your business.  So don’t tell me, you are just concerned about my health.  Trust me, you can put that in the great big box in your head marked “Not my problem”.

We are all going to die.  When and how I die is of concern to a very few people.  My being fat is not going to make your life longer or shorter, better or worse.

If it makes you feel superior to me because of a number on a scale – get on with your bad self.  But I don’t want to listen to it.

I am tired of trying to have a polite conversation with you people who hate fat people but cannot admit it.  I’m tired of people politely correcting you with facts and having you come back with another stream of fat phobia.  You do not want to hear facts.  You are too invested in what “everyone knows”.  Go ahead and lie to yourself, but don’t think that you are deceiving me.  I know who and what you are.

And I’m so tired of people being afraid of fat people.

You want to be afraid of fat people, keep it up.  I repeat, you won’t like me angry.

 

Filed under: Body image, Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination

FAT DOCTORS

Here is a study out of Johns Hopkins that says fat doctors are not as likely to diagnose their fat patients as “normal” weight doctors:

http://www.nature.com/oby/journal/vaop/ncurrent/full/oby2011402a.html?cid=xrs_rss-nd

Here are two articles, both of which parrot the party line that it must be bad that fat doctors are less likely to offer diet tips, but are otherwise very different. The first (a short paragraph in the middle of a one-pager at nytimes.com) adds some skeptical snarkiness, while the second adds an extra helping of fat hate, horrifyingly advocating that all fat doctors should lose their jobs.

http://www.nytimes.com/interactive/2012/03/18/magazine/the-one-page-magazine.html

http://technorati.com/lifestyle/article/fat-doctors-less-likely-to-help/

First, I HATE it when people with a certain BMI are described as “normal”.  To me it smells of bias.  It just triggers my skepticism for the rest of it.

What I find disturbing in the research abstract is this:

A higher percentage of normal BMI physicians believed that overweight/obese patients would be less likely to trust weight loss advice from overweight/obese doctors (80% vs. 69%, P = 0.02). Physicians in the normal BMI category were more likely to believe that physicians should model healthy weight-related behaviors—maintaining a healthy weight (72% vs. 56%, P = 0.002) and exercising regularly (73% vs. 57%, P = 0.001).

In other words, the thinner doctors have a prejudice against fat doctors.   (And gee, do you think those prejudices carry over to their treatment of fat patients?)

If nothing else, wouldn’t you think doctors might want to listen to what fat doctors have to say about being fat?  You know, professionals that have the actual experience?  Maybe thin doctors don’t trust the advice of fat doctors, but as a patient, I certainly would rather discuss being fat with someone who knows that there is no way to turn a fat person into a thin person.  And maybe fat doctors have a better (personal) understanding that fat people can also be healthy people.

The study shows that fat doctors are less likely to diagnose a patient who weighs the same or less than themselves as “obese” and less likely to discuss weight loss treatment.  What the study does not appear to show is whether or not fat doctors discuss healthy behavior that is not weight focused.

I’m not saying that fat doctors are all great – I have personally had my experience with a fat healthcare professional who clearly hated her own fat body.  (see My Fat Ass and RNP from Hell, http://wp.me/pB0rE-7o).  And I currently have a thin doctor who is not perfect but is willing to listen and allows me to participate in my healthcare decisions.

But I think this study shows less about the medical treatment one receives from fat doctors and more about the prejudices of thinner doctors; and those prejudices are what needs to be studied and addressed.

Filed under: health, Science, Size Acceptance

FINDING SOMEONE WHO LOVES YOUR FAT ASS

My first NAAFA Convention with my husband, Whaliam, a great fat lady asked me how did I find a “Mr. Right” – a “normal” man?

Well, I didn’t find a “normal” man.  Who is normal?  More importantly, who decides what “normal” is?

I found Mr. Right-for-Me.  He’s not perfect.  I’m not perfect.  Looking for a perfect person is a waste of time.  That person does not exist.  To tell the truth, I don’t think a “normal” person exists either.  People are too diverse, and that’s a good thing.

What really bothered me about the discussion was this very smart lady was pre-judging men who preferred fat women.  She had decided that all of those men were creepy because they were seeking fat women.  They weren’t “normal”.

I’ve covered the topic of men who prefer fat women before, http://fattiesunited.wordpress.com/2009/09/25/lets-hear-it-for-fas, so I won’t repeat that, except to say that those guys are no more or less “normal” than anyone else.

No wonder she thought there was some secret to finding a good partner.

There are “creepy” people who prefer a fat partner.  Just as there are “creepy” people who prefer a thin partner or a blond partner, or a tall or short partner.  There are creepy people in the world and they are creepy for many reasons that have nothing to do with the type of person they are attracted to.  This is not a fat issue, this is a people issue.

I was lucky enough to realize that the type of person I wanted was just a regular person – one with good points and bad points.  Someone whose bad points were ones that I could live with and whose good points were ones that I could appreciate.  And I wanted someone who would love me just as I am (with all my good and bad points); be happy and proud that we were partners, and who is willing to work together to build a life together.

And first I had to learn to love myself enough to allow someone else to love me, and I had to learn that if I wanted someone else not to pre-judge who I am, I had to learn to give other people a chance and trust myself to figure out if a relationship with that person might or might not work and why.  (The why is important because that is how you start to accumulate the information of what you will and will not be willing to accept in your life.)

That’s the secret.  Not a secret after all.  Just some common sense, an open mind, and love and respect for myself.

 

Filed under: Body image, Size Acceptance

Are you kidding?

This is a great article, except for one thing –

http://www.cnn.com/2012/03/16/living/body-image-kids/index.html?hpt=li_c1

Do you see what’s wrong?  Fat is the new ugly?  Bull hockey.  Fat has always been the taunt of choice on the playground.  Ask any fat kid – past or present.

The only reason anyone is noticing now is that not-fat kids are starting to worry about being fat.  Nobody cared as long as the only kids troubled by this kind of abuse were actually fat.

When it comes to bullying, I get so tired of the excuse that we can’t stop the bullying by kids because nobody knows “where to draw the line”.  How about nobody should be bullied?  How about that?  The kid with big ears shouldn’t be bullied.  The kid with a lisp shouldn’t be bullied.  The kid who is dumb or smart – they shouldn’t be bullied.

Yes kids can be mean.  Does that mean we should just let them be mean?  How about we don’t act like being mean is harmless?  How about we teach kids that being mean has consequences?

 

Filed under: Fat Activism, Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination

Responding to Fat Shaming in Georgia

A quick note: Marilyn Wann has created a campaign of size positive “Stand4″ posters in answer to the ads and billboards in Georgia targeting fat children. And fat dancer and blogger Ragen Chastain has followed with a fundraising campaign to pay for billboards in Georgia with a HAES (Health at Every Size) message. Consider participating in one or both of these!
http://marilynwann.tumblr.com
http://www.gofundme.com/dp16w
http://www.supportallkids.com

Filed under: Fat Activism, health, Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination

Walkby Shouting

I was walking in the park one day late last year (I walk every work day during my lunch break), and a stranger who was walking the other way asked me how much weight I had lost. I told him “I’m not trying to lose weight, and that’s not a proper question to ask people in the park.” He responded, “You look great; I remember when I first saw you.”

He was trying to be nice, I guess, but the question hit me the wrong way. As a fat man, I don’t get much criticism about my weight, and obviously, I didn’t get criticism this time either, other than the implied criticism of a past me. Still, my weight is my business, the same as with anyone else. Even before I had size acceptance, I wouldn’t initiate a conversation with a stranger by asking about his/her weight, even in the course of making a compliment.

He didn’t seem to grasp my objection, so I didn’t respond any further. I’m happy with how I responded, but it probably didn’t do any good.  He may not even have realized why I objected. To understand an observed event, we (adults, anyway) have to plug it into a known framework, and I don’t think he had a framework for what I said.

That’s why it is so important to proclaim and explain size acceptance in all media we can. Even if we don’t change anyone’s mind, we’re at least letting people know that there are such things as body self-acceptance, fat pride, and HAES. Then at least strangers will understand why we object to weight-loss-based compliments, even if they don’t agree.

Filed under: Body image, Fat Activism, health, Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination

You Never Know

I am feeling a bit pleased and proud of myself.

I got an e-mail, that had been sent to all the staff at the law office I work for, saying that they were going to do a Biggest Loser type game for the staff.

Total trigger for me.  I’m furious.  I don’t want to do this, I don’t want to hear about this.

So I sent an e-mail to everybody at the office saying, “Please do not put me on copy for any of this.  I am a proponent of size acceptance with a focus on health and not weight.”

What I did was take care of me.  If other people at work want to do this, that is not my problem.  None of my beewax.  As Samuel Goldwyn once said, “Include me out.”

And now I know that several other staff members have now spoken up about not wanting to participate or even hear about this.  One acknowledging that I had put into words what she felt.  Yea me. Yea them.

I feel like not only did I stand up for myself, but I helped some other people stand up for themselves.  To tell the truth, I was a bit surprised that other people at the office would feel as I do.

So when you stand up for yourself, you may be helping or educating others.  You never know.

Filed under: Fat Activism, health, Size Acceptance

Even If They’re Right . . .

Think about this. Let’s suppose for a minute that those who believe in the “obesity” epidemic are right. That we fatties are eating more than we need to make up for sadness elsewhere in our lives. Or perhaps we are self-medicating for depression. In any case we’re making ourselves fatter and happier, and we could choose to be thinner and healthier (by some measures), but less happy.

My answer is, “so what?” There are two points here: (1) all medicines have side effects, and (2) mental health is as important as any other type of health. People are prescribed anti-depression drugs even though weight gain is a common side effect because the disease is so crippling that it’s an acceptable tradeoff.

There might be some fat folks who eat more because they’re self-medicating. That is, they’re cutting out the middleman, so to speak, and rather than take anti-depressants, just eating more to feel better. To me, that’s also an acceptable tradeoff. Why is the weight gain acceptable in one case and not the other?

Filed under: health, Science, Size Acceptance, Size Discrimination

HOW I BECAME A FAT CLOTHING JUNKIE

When I was a fat kid, the choices I had for clothing were dismal – especially in my teen years.  Too tall to wear half-sizes (anybody remember half-sizes?), I was stuck with whatever Sears had in its women’s section – size 18 to 20.  Most stores (including K-Mart) didn’t carry anything above a size 16, and the catalogues didn’t go up to my size either – unless you could wear a half size (which would put the waistline somewhere just under my boobs, thank you very much).

So most of my store-bought clothes were plain and dull.  Navy, burgundy, and black A-line skirts with “matching” pale blue, pink and white short sleeve blouses; and navy and burgundy slacks.  Whoo-hoo.  And don’t forget the navy and burgundy v-neck sweaters to go with.  Not quite stylin’ in the mod-60s!  Sigh.

My (maternal) grandmother and my mom helped by adding home-sewn items to my wardrobe and those were always my favorite things to wear.  But sewing patterns in my size were limited and not very stylish either.

In 1971 my mother took me to a clothing store in Detroit.  That store was Lane Bryant and I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  The clothes were stylish and pretty, and came in lots of gorgeous colors.  I was only allowed to buy one dress (which was needed for some special occasion, long since forgotten – the occasion, not the dress); but I was thrilled – oh, and they had cute shoes in my size too!

Then in 1972, a local business woman saw the potential of providing stylish clothes to fat women and opened her own store.  I found out about it when they hired me to do a couple of television commercials for them!  And they paid me in clothes – just in time for me to start college!  The owner was expanding her store to include a Tall Shop and she hired me to work in that section of the store – not only did I have a discount, I now had first dibs on the clothes coming in.

Needless to say, my closet was soon full of great clothes.  My closet is still full of great clothes – admittedly, more than I need but having been a fat girl who just wanted to be stylish, it is hard for me to resist when I see something darling in a catalogue or on a hanger.  I’m afraid I have a real scarcity mentality when it comes to clothes that I like.  I can’t quite believe that there will always be nice clothes for me when I need them.

Lane Bryant eventually opened a store in a nearby mall, and the clothing stores of the local business woman have since closed.  Now we have so many options – catalogues, fat lady clothing stores, the internet, and a lot of stylish fat-size sewing patterns for those who have the skill, time and inclination to make their own clothing.

The fat fashion world has changed so much since I was that fat girl who wanted to be stylish.  There is still more to be done (like using appropriately sized models), but I’m so glad that fat kids growing up today can find clothes that say “you are part of this world and you deserve to look stylish – we have not forgotten you.”

 

Filed under: Body image, Just Fun, Size Acceptance

HAVE AN ABUNDANT AND HAPPY THANKSGIVING

As we dive into the holiday season, I would like to revisit facing the holidays.

Many fat folks have problems over the holidays because of family and friends who don’t understand that comments about weight are not only unwelcome but can be downright hurtful. 

I can only encourage you to set some boundaries and stick to them.  If you can, let problem people know in advance that you will not be putting up with their unsolicited “help” and that their “concern” about your weight is misplaced.

Some useful neutral phrases I have found are:

“I’m not comfortable with that (or discussing that)”

“That’s not an issue for me”

“My health/weight/size is between me and my doctor.”

If you are comfortable with being a bit more confrontational, you could offer to provide them with links to studies that refute what they’re saying, you could tell them outright this is none of their business, you could tell them outright you don’t appreciate their comments.

And if you are comfortable with confrontation, you can call them on what they’ve said.  I usually find that if you simply say, “Excuse me?” or “What is that supposed to mean?” people (especially passive-aggressive bullies) tend to back right down.  They don’t like it when their sneaky meanness is pointed out.

And remember when we are children we are pretty much saddled with the family that we were born into, but as we grow older we can choose who is family to us and it has nothing to do with blood and everything to do with love and respect. 

And don’t forget to try to be loving and respectful to yourself too.

So I wish you all wonderful holidays.

Filed under: Body image, Fat Activism, Size Acceptance