My sister recently sent me a car magnet shaped like a big, purple ribbon. “Save a life – adopt shelter pets!” it brightly proclaims. I hugged it to my ample bosom before happily slapping it on the side of my itty bitty Scion. The world already feels more animal friendly to me.
That got me thinking, though: If I were to design a bumper sticker or ribbon that perfectly encapsulated my fat pride, what would it say? I mean, I would want it to be in-your-face, but celebratory, stereotype-smashing, yet poignant. After some thinking, I came up with the following:
I’m fat. Not chubby, not obese, not queen-sized. I may or may not eat all my veggies, might or might not exercise regularly, could or could not have diabetes or high blood pressure. Really, unless you want me to ask you about the regularity of your bowel activities, breast exams, and/or usage of Viagra, howzabout we agree to leave questions of “health” at home? I do not drive up your health care costs; I am not a ticking, flesh-wrapped time bomb; and I have zero mommy issues. Sitting halfway in your airplane seat ain’t exactly a carnival for me, either. Making clothing, chairs, and bathroom stalls that fit me do not encourage me to be fat; they just make me comfy and therefore less grumpy. This benefits both of us. I’m not miserable, I don’t hate my body, and I don’t have an oral fixation or pathological relationships with food and sex. In fact, I like my body just the way it is. I do not care to lose weight, and I’m not quite sure why so many others want me to. Others may urge me to change my body to fit better into this thin world, but instead I’m committed to changing this world to make room for all sizes and sorts of bodies, including my own sexy, sassy, beautiful fat body.
Hmmm. I think I might need to buy a slightly larger car.