(You know I’m on a rant when the title is in all caps!)

There is a “myth” that fat women are sluts.    You know, because we are all so desperate to be loved we’ll let anybody do anything to us.

 Like many myths/stereotypes there is a pinch of truth.  Many fat women do feel so unworthy of love that they will put up with a lot just so they won’t be alone. 

 Happily, more and more fat women are realizing that they deserve to be respected, treated well, and LOVED.

 More and more fat women will not “settle”.

 Of course, many thin and average-sized women are promiscuous and often for the same reasons fat women are – because of self hatred/feeling unworthy.    Lots of people get screwed up about their self image, regardless of their size.  But, the big difference is that fat people are constantly told by society, as a whole, that they are unlovable. 

 Talk about things that make me go GRRRRRRRRRRRRR.

 And what really hurts me is that society doesn’t take responsibility for the harm that fat bigotry causes.  Society creates a hostile environment for fat people, and then claims that all of the problems fat people have are because they are fat!   Excuse me? 

 How often does a fat person forego getting exercise because they just can’t deal with how they may be treated?  Or forego medical treatment?  Or forego trying for a better job?  Or forego making friends? 

 And even if society wants to say that not all fat people are treated badly … it does not even have to be the actual treatment — it can be just the fear of the possibility.  And no one can say that fear is unjustified. 

 You can’t smack somebody upside the head every time they smile, and then ask why they are so gloomy! 

 If society wants me to take responsibility for my fat body, fine.  I want society to take responsibility for the damage it has causd to each and every fat person. 

 I’ll be waiting right here for my apology — and it better be good.



  1. You can’t smack somebody upside the head every time they smile, and then ask why they are so gloomy!

    That pretty much sums it up right there.

  2. UGH! I know! It drives me insane…

    I’m very open about sex and sexuality, even though I’ve never had sex, because I’m very interested and I educate myself on it. I had a “friend” a few years back, while I was just starting college (I knew him in high school and had a crush on him then) call me and ask me if I wanted to have sex. I asked him if he wanted a relationship and he said no, that he just really wanted to be able to try new and exciting things with/on me and he figured that I must be up for it because I’m so interested in sex. Well, insulted, I told him no, that it’s cool for other people, but I just don’t feel right having sex outside of a relationship, especially before I was used to sex and could figure out how I wanted to handle my sexual relationships. All he said before hanging up was “Darn, and I really wanted to have my dick sucked.”

    To be honest, I was very close to saying yes. And, to be honest, before that I sent him pictures of myself only to get underhanded “compliments” about my body.

    I was just starting off on my journey to acceptance and it’s taken me very far, and I’m proud to say I have much more respect for myself. ^____^

    Also, I would like an apology too, world!

  3. Now, see, that’s what I’m talkin’ ’bout!

    *Pulling up chair. Getting out a score card.*

    I’d advise using the GOOD thesaurus and going with nothing but $20 words.


  4. My mom told me one time that my standards were too high!

    But as a fat woman, especially one who is deathfat, I have to make sure the man I eventually commit to, whether it’s marriage or long-term relationship, will value me for me and not a number on a scale.

    • what is “deathfat”?

      I believe that relationships usually start out based on chemistry. So it may be your size that attracts a potential mate — just like some people prefer blonds, and some people prefer someone taller or shorter, etc. By the time you are ready to make a commitment, the relationship (hopefully) will be based on who you are and the physical attraction will just be the icing on the cake (so’s to speak)!

      • “Deathfat” is a comedic term coined by one of the other FA bloggers (forget who) to mean someone who is morbidly obese, usually in the high 200’s-over 300 lbs.

  5. This also bleeds into the notion that women are only ever promiscuous because they feel badly about themselves, because no *good* woman would ever WANT to be a “slut”! No *good* woman would ever own her own sexuality and aggressively seek sexual fulfillment with as many men as she so chooses. No, we should all be good little girls and stay at home until the men come to us, until the men choose us, right?

    Fat slut shaming is, at its base, still just slut shaming. If we end one, we can end the other.

    • You make a good point.

      I do agree there is nothing wrong with a woman who is sexually (very) active (as long as she plays safe). Sex is a goodness, and there is no shame in having consensual sex that is mutually satisfying.

      I can’t say my definition of “slut” is different – because I don’t really have a definition for slut. I understand what other people mean when they use the word, but I can’t think of an instance where I felt the person being called a slut was doing anything wrong.

      I do have a problem when women use sex (and/or their partners) in an attempt to bolster their own self image. That is a losing strategy.

  6. There is a “myth” that fat women are sluts. You know, because we are all so desperate to be loved we’ll let anybody do anything to us.

    I usually encounter it in a slightly different form – that fat women are desperate for sex.

  7. There is a “myth” that fat women are sluts. You know, because we are all so desperate to be loved we’ll let anybody do anything to us.

    Fat women are anything that completes the sentence of the hater, sluts or sexless, whatever.

    There’s also a huge element of wishful thinking about the above quote. It expressess the desperation that traps those buying into certain patriarchal views about what sex and sexuality are for.

  8. Firecat at Live Journal posted this excellent comment on my live journal page.

    There’s also a myth that fat women deliberately get fat to “cover up” their sexuality.

    So if you have sex, you’re doing it because you feel worthless, and if you don’t have sex, you’re fat on purpose so that you don’t have to deal with sex.

    Just to cover all the bases and make sure fat women know that absolutely everything they do and are is defined, caused, and explained by their being fat.

  9. I’ve said something like that for a while now: fat women who want sex supposedly are desperate, and those who don’t are supposedly more interested in eating. Fascists are so efficient, they have all the answers….

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