My first NAAFA Convention with my husband, Whaliam, a great fat lady asked me how did I find a “Mr. Right” – a “normal” man?

Well, I didn’t find a “normal” man.  Who is normal?  More importantly, who decides what “normal” is?

I found Mr. Right-for-Me.  He’s not perfect.  I’m not perfect.  Looking for a perfect person is a waste of time.  That person does not exist.  To tell the truth, I don’t think a “normal” person exists either.  People are too diverse, and that’s a good thing.

What really bothered me about the discussion was this very smart lady was pre-judging men who preferred fat women.  She had decided that all of those men were creepy because they were seeking fat women.  They weren’t “normal”.

I’ve covered the topic of men who prefer fat women before,, so I won’t repeat that, except to say that those guys are no more or less “normal” than anyone else.

No wonder she thought there was some secret to finding a good partner.

There are “creepy” people who prefer a fat partner.  Just as there are “creepy” people who prefer a thin partner or a blond partner, or a tall or short partner.  There are creepy people in the world and they are creepy for many reasons that have nothing to do with the type of person they are attracted to.  This is not a fat issue, this is a people issue.

I was lucky enough to realize that the type of person I wanted was just a regular person – one with good points and bad points.  Someone whose bad points were ones that I could live with and whose good points were ones that I could appreciate.  And I wanted someone who would love me just as I am (with all my good and bad points); be happy and proud that we were partners, and who is willing to work together to build a life together.

And first I had to learn to love myself enough to allow someone else to love me, and I had to learn that if I wanted someone else not to pre-judge who I am, I had to learn to give other people a chance and trust myself to figure out if a relationship with that person might or might not work and why.  (The why is important because that is how you start to accumulate the information of what you will and will not be willing to accept in your life.)

That’s the secret.  Not a secret after all.  Just some common sense, an open mind, and love and respect for myself.




  1. Great post, Terri, & so true, so reflective of what so many women feel, especially fat women. “If he wants me as I am &/or really PREFERS fat women, there must be something wrong with him.” It’s like the old Groucho Marx joke, “I wouldn’t want to be part of any club that would have me as a member”, except that, when you take that attitude into real life, there is nothing funny about it.

  2. My problem isn’t that I’m picky and won’t give people a shot – it’s that almost all of the men who express interest in me are not at all interested in ME. They’re interested in my fat. I’m not interested in someone who sees me as an object to be fucked, I want someone who wants to be part of my life, to know me as a human being, to spend time with me. I’m royally fed up with being treated as a fetish object, as if the most interesting/attractive/important thing about me is my fat flesh.

    I’d love to know where to find the kind of man who wants to get to know a woman as a person, not just poke at her with his erect penis without any interest in what she thinks, feels or believes.

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