I am finding myself in a quandary as a fat old woman.

Like most fatties, I don’t look my age.  You can’t put a wrinkle in a bubble.  However, my hair is almost totally white and gray, and I have those squirrelly white hairs in my eyebrows too.

So do I dye my hair and “pass” for a younger woman than I am, or do I enjoy the benefits of being an old lady?

If I dye my hair, I’ll have to deal with roots.  I hate dealing with roots, and if I change my mind about dying my hair, it’ll take a good amount of time to get back to my natural hair – dying my hair lighter and lighter and then letting it grow out.  Hmmmm.  If I could dye my hair a fun color like pink or blue (or a mix) I’d do it in a heartbeat – but I still go into the law office every other week, and I don’t think they’d be thrilled.

As an old lady, people just don’t seem as anxious to give me shit.  Not that I’ve ever been subject to a ton of shit anyway, but who wants to mess with someone’s dear old “grandma”?  (Plus, you get the benefit of shocking the shit when grandma tells someone to go fuck his/her self.)

And then there’s the clothes I like to wear – I have always been the kind of person who dresses in what I like and fashion be damned.  Right now I like leggings or jeggings with kind of baby-doll mini dresses/tunics.  Comfy and just fucking adorable – in my humble opinion – just like me.

But do the cute outfits go with the old lady hair?

What is really bothering me is for the first time in my life, I don’t have a grip on who I am and how to express who I am in my outward appearance.  I am an old lady dammit and I like her; but like all old ladies, there is a sassy young thing living inside of me and I like her too.  And when I look at clothes or hair cuts or shoes, etc. I am thinking, “Really?  At your age?”

So, I am asking for thoughts, advice, what would you do – even WWMWD (what would Marilyn Wann do).  Well, actually, I could just ask Marilyn, and maybe I will; but I still would like to hear from y’all.

Thank you from a bitching, fat, old, lady.

 “Time and trouble will tame an advanced young woman, but an advanced old woman is uncontrollable by any earthly force.”  Dorothy L. Sayers


6 thoughts on “ACT MY FAT AGE?

  1. I can completely relate to this right now. I’ll be 50 soon, but most folks seem to think I am in my 30’s.
    I really and truly don’t give a f*** what people think; I was the only punk in my relatively small town and used to dressing the way I want and deciding whether I wanted to deal with what was professional or acceptable, etc.

    The grey/dye thing isn’t stressing me out. I have a bit at the temples, and based on the women in my family, will likely stay that way til I am 70 or so. I’d love to rock my long curly hair grey, but the process will be slow, so I’ll sticky with my rooty bleach blonde for another decade at least.

    I still have clothes that I loved when I was in 8th grade-and wear them. I do like to take some of what is current and meld it into my personal style, but I have my own aesthetic and am comfortable using it to express myself.

    UNTIL—I had a freakout buying glasses last month. I have worn big, heavy, loud specs since the 1980’s. I’ve got a great collection of vintage peeps that I love and wear. When I went to try on glasses, styles I have loved and worn were all being appropriated by trendy college kids. No matter what I did (even with my own pairs) it looked like I was trying to look like them. The last pair I had was too conservative and I never liked it. I couldn’t find a fun pair that didn’t look like I was trying too hard.
    I finally bought a vintage pair that were almost identical to a large tortoise pair I’d worn for over 10 years. If I have to do repeats to stay solid in my style, so be it.
    I was just surprised that it was so hard.
    That said, I just happily bought an outfit in the Jr Plus section, so I guess it’s just going to continue.

    Old Lady chic is not ironic here anymore, but I don’t look enough like an old lady to just unquestioningly own it outright, either. It’s OK to be stuck in a rut here, as long as it’s MY rut.
    Weird. I feel ya!

    • One thing about eyeglasses. I started wearing glasses in my 30s – from no glasses, straight to bifocals. To find eyeglass frames I like, I go on e-bay and find frames (regular glasses or sunglasses) that I like and buy them (usually pretty cheap too), and have my optometrist put prescription lenses into those glasses. I get cheaper frames and I have a HUGE choice. I highly recommend this route for eyeglass wearers.

  2. Well, damn, I don’t see why I need to act my age. If people wanted me to do that, wouldn’t they have provided me with a nice youthful selection of clothing when I was young? If I had to wear “old-lady” clothes at age ten, what’s wrong with wearing more youthful stuff at age 50+?
    As for hair color, it always seemed to me that the most sensible time to dye it was when Mother Nature extracted the natural color and presented you with a blank canvas. I never dyed my hair until I turned 40, when my hair was at least 1/3 gray. Since then, I’ve settled on a mahogany sort of color.
    But then, I tend to do things backwards. For instance, there never seemed to be a point to wearing makeup in one’s teens, when one supposedly had the young-looking skin that everybody else wanted. No, the time to fix up the ol’ face was in one’s later years when you actually do have the dry skin and lines and irregularities that could do with a little artificial help, if you’ve a mind to.
    So color your hair if you like. Why not have a little fun with it?
    And here you’re bragging about your glasses frames. Have I got news for you – some of us have heads that are just a bit too big to accommodate the vast majority of glasses frames comfortably. Size discrimination in eyewear! Where is the uproar about this?? It’s like trying to find nice shoes in WW width!

    • I love it. I never thought of the horrible old-lady style clothes I wore through my younger days! I still don’t do much with makeup (I thank genetics and growing up in Michigan where outside air is a natural moisturizer! Interesting about the glasses frame – I have a big head (made finding wigs that fit for shows an adventure); which is another reason I buy my frames online – I can do unisex or specify in my search for large frames. I can relate to the wide shoes thing too! When I was a kid there was only one place in town that carried shoes that were wide!

  3. I am fortunate with glasses and wigs and the like as I am pretty petite (just barely 5’1”) so I get a little leeway.
    That said, I have worn mostly mens frames for years. I like it bold, but I also find women’s frames can look lost on my face unless they are pretty extreme.

    Likewise, I’ve got the wide feet, but they are small, so I can go up a few sizes to get what I need.

    You’re lucky if you’ve got a local optician/optometrist that doesn’t jack up the lens price if you don’t buy frames from them. Those are hard to come by. Yay!

    I like what you are saying about having to wear old lady clothes as a young one. My mom made most of my clothes up through about 7th or 8th grade. She has some peculiar notions about how extremely modest fat ladies must be. Which translated to her making everything very baby-ish. Think sailor suits and pinafores. Ugh.

    Once I was old enough to start thrift shopping, I was onto styles I chose myself. My version of Old Lady Chic is more like my fashion icon Endora from the old Bewitched show. Matronly, but not demure in any way.

  4. Pingback: Dude, I’m Old! | Fatties United!

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